Yeah, not yet in a weekly rhythm of blogging my heart journey. At some point, I hope it will stabilize. I’m not sure how to consistently blog my heart journey when I find myself often allowing God to continue the work he started before writing about it. So let me ask you your thoughts – would you want to hear my stories when they are more conclusive or would you rather I talk about it while its stewing like a good meal?

Right, on to the heart matters.

The past couple of weeks have been frustrating in a way. I have found myself confronted with my thought life not to mention a moody family. As I told a dear friend, the picture I can describe my past couple of weeks has been that of a target sign posted on my back with doubt targeting me like well trained air drones.

Doubt loves to hook in through insecurities. Instead of believing what God says about us or hearing the positive views people have of us, we generally agree with our insecurities. I know that’s what’s been happening to me. Insecurities and my desire to have everything “perfect”. My perfectionist tendencies are driven by a fear of rejection. Hilarious, right?

doubt-485790_960_720At times, I find that doubt can be relentless. It comes when I am emotional, tired, stressed to name a few. In Jesus’ ministry, he often pointed out people’s unbelief. Doubt puts up a no-entry sign. God is moved by faith, it attracts his attention. Faith shows God that we take His word above everything else; that we are holding him to his word and character. Think of all the times when Jesus told people “Your faith has healed you”.

The key to resisting doubt is to combat it with faith. Faith comes from hearing the word of God thus renewing our minds becomes critical. God doesn’t want us to live in a world of doubt. He has come to give us freedom and security. For me this has meant to not entertain thoughts that question myself as a mother, wife, woman, and more. Take every thought captive bringing it in line with God’s word and character. In all honesty, my efforts in renewing my mind have shown me that this is an area of much needed growth. I easily allow unhealthy thinking to linger more than it should. That being said, renewing the mind is a skill and God says that in our weakness he is strong. So hope remains.

The challenge as a wife to a husband with different spiritual views can often blur the line between doubt and practicality. I don’t believe that being practical means that I dont trust God to finish that which he has started in my husband, or that he has forgotten the plans and destiny he has for Sean. Church community practicalities are part of my reality. I have to look at each church event and decide if this is something that I can do with the boys. Do I need time for myself? or, can I cope with three busy and at times inappropriately loud boys? For me practicality is an important factor. This does not mean that I am sticking to comfort or convenience or that I am choosing the easy way out.

For example, church camps on my own with three boys under the age of six is difficult. Yes, I have community and support but my children are not their responsibility. So, when the boys need mommy during a teachibook-1210029_960_720ng,I’m on my own. This is reality.Sunday mornings mean that if the boys are restless, I need to tend to them and until their Sunday School starts after the second or third song, I’m not engaging with God. These are practicalities. My realities.

In this situation, faith says “God, I know that you are faithful and will turn this around. I know that you are with me, that I am not alone. God, I know that you are in this.” Faith helps practicality be lived out to create a more pleasant and possible reality. Doubt on the other hand ushers in a level of hopelessness, despair, and weariness. Doubt agrees with pain and disappointment.

 

I cannot afford to live in a world of doubt and despair. This journey is more bearable when I face it armed to the kilt in God’s armor:

  • The helmet of salvation – a renewed, sanctified mind; the mind of Christ.
  • The breastplate of righteousness – not my effort but God’s grace. As God’s children we are righteous because of Jesus’ blood.
  • The belt of truth – holds everything together. Truth of who God is and who he made us to be.
  • The sword of the spirit and the shield of faith – our offensive weapons. We fight against doubt by using the word of God, prayers that are Holy Spirit led. Jesus showed me this week that when doubt comes, to take his view of that same scenario and use it as part of spiritual warfare. Faith causes doubt to bounce away instead of hitting its target.
  • The feet ready with the Gospel of Peace – I love this. We stand strong, secure, steadfast in who God has made each of us to be. Our position in Christ (seated in heavenly places with Christ) is that of children of God and coheirs with Christ. We stand firm and proclaim the goodness of God. By shouting out his kindness, we run quickly to take people by the hand and lead them on the road to Jesus who gives a supernatural peace. The peace that passes all understanding.

What I love the most about this journey is that Jesus takes me by the hand and says “Come, my girl. Let’s go. I’ve got you. I’ve got this. Come. Trust me. You are safe. You can do this.”

 
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